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Mother & Father’s Day Abolishment?
Is it not time Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were Abolished?
Ok, so as I start to write this I know it’s not going to be very popular. But here’s the thing, these two holidays are not very popular with a lot of folk just by its very nature. Let me explain...
Mother’s Day has many origins depending on which culture you come from but the more accepted understanding is that it originated from the Egyptian times to honour the Goddess Isis. Then around the mid 16th Century, Mothering Sunday became more of a religious day to honour the church which was considered to be the congregations ‘mother’. Around the early 1900’s, it became more recognised as a means to honour one’s own Mother as a sign of respect and thanks for all she had done for her family. More recently it has become more of a commercial day instead of the meaningfulness behind it. Instead is now standard practice to spend loads of money to corporations just to tell your Mother you love them.
Father’s Day is a more recent celebration of fatherhood and paternal bonds.
Whilst the idea behind celebration of both your Mother and Father is a knobble one, it is also equally a very painful reminder to those who hate the day.
Natural Loss
For many, this day is a reminder of the loss of their beloved parent, especially if that parent had recently passed away around the time of these holidays.
I was also reminded recently by an aunt who had lost both of her children, just how difficult it is to face these days with joy.
For many couples, this is yet another reminder that they are unable to bear children of their own or who have lost their babies in-vitro or at birth.
Single parents have to face dealing with the holiday of celebrating the parent who is no longer in the home.
What about same sex couples navigating the separate gender holiday celebration?
Whilst the above are part of life and are heartfelt moments to remind us of our humanity, there are the other sides of these holidays that are never spoken of, topics considered taboo. So let’s untaboo them with an almighty old fact of reality.
Adoption
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are PTSD triggers for an awful lot of people of which most are as a result of childhood traumas.
Adoption and Fostering is one such massive trigger. Despite the glorified narrative of adoption and fostering that is pushed and published by councils and the media, it can often invoke memories of very deep trauma in children who were removed from their natural parents and placed with complete strangers, strangers who expect the child to call them ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’. This very act negates the basis of the terms by their very nature.
In turn, many of these children placed into a system without their consent are often abused so severely in their new homes, their scars can never heal.
Adoptee’s also have to navigate the minefield of the ‘mother’ who cared for them and then their natural mother. No one prepares them for how to cope with any of this especially if the adoptive carer finds it difficult that the child wishes to reunify or get to know their birth parents and family.
Then of course we also have to mention the birth parents that have had their children removed for superficial and spurious claims. A social worker recently wrote an article about parents who are unable to make sufficient changes for children to be returned home under the heading of empathy surrounding Mother’s Day. I shan’t go into this specific area now as I want to focus on the two holidays in question, but suffice it to say that I can happily rip up any argument a social worker puts before me addressing the need for parents to show purpose and improvement.
The simple fact is that many parents find it hard enough to get through each day without their child without having to have this day rubbed in their faces. Having to wrap ones head around the fact that a child you lovingly carried for 9 months, gave birth to and poured all of your loved into, then to have them ripped away, given to a stranger and hear those strangers expect your child to call them Mother and Father is like being held down and force fed an arsenic pill whilst being water boarded.
We also have to mention that many children have never had positive memories of their parents. There are numerous articles of parents regretting having children as well as regular articles of individuals talking about the sad interactions they’ve had with those who were supposed to love them unconditionally. How are these people expected to honour those parents who they either have no relationship with or have traumatic interactions?
Trans
With the topic of Trans making more of a media blitz, let’s just go right on in there and jump into these muddy waters.
I am as supportive of self identification as much as I identify that I am my children’s ONLY Mother despite my children being forcibly adopted.
I also strongly advocate for a child only having one Mother and Father, that being the one’s that gave them life. Everyone else, regardless of legal status, must fall within the Carer status for that is who they are.
There is already so much confusion out there for youngsters today about gender, mental health and image, let’s not add any further fuel to the fire by confusing them as to who or what their Mother and Father are.
Mother and Father’s Day should be relegated to the day they give birth to their biological new child. Let’s forgo this annual holiday permanently because if you truly wish to celebrate your Mother, Father, Carer or whoever, than celebrate them throughout the year with love, respect and care and not wait for a calendar to tell you to. This singular day for each is nothing more than a commercial guilt trip, so let’s relegate these days to the halls of history.